mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
