You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
