it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
