wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
