How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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