Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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