you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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