And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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