I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
