Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
How does one acquire holy water?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
