Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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