So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
