why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
