she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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