We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
