my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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