You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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