YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
