Who wears a wallet chain?!
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Randomize
