shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
