their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
