Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
