my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
