I faked an abortion last night.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
