If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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