Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
