Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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