I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
