What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
