I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
