The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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