so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
