If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
