I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
