All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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