I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Randomize
