Your dad touched me again.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Randomize
