So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
