he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
