You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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