He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
