if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
