I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
