You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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