I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
