I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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