New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
You are a genius and a whore.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
