eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Randomize
