It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
