Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
