PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Randomize
