were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
The adults are the big ones right?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
