I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
