I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
