how do flat chested girls get laid?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
