Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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