we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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